all-seeing-ifer:

Me: Comedy is too cynical nowadays. Everyone’s just trying to be edgy and mean and thinking that makes them funny.

John Mulaney: I’m allowed to make fun of my wife. I asked her if I could and she said yes.

John Mulaney: When my wife walks down the street, she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero.

John Mulaney: “Who’d believe in an old man in the sky?” My mommy does, so shut the fuck up! Stop calling my mommy dumb!

Me, already sobbing: neVER miND