Venom: The time has come for me to return to my homeland. I must come to terms with the fact that I am no longer required here. I have lead a good life on earth, but alas, my shattered heart belongs elsewhere. Somewhere where my presence is valued, where I’m not treated like vermin, where I’m actually respected for the fearsome creature I-
(Venom 2018, the trailer)
*creepy orchestra music* *people screaming*
Venom, growling: The way I see it, Eddie… *slams Eddie into a wall* …We… *Eddie screams, eyes turns completely black* …Can do… *Unhinges his jaw and bites off someone’s head* …Whatever we want
*bone-crushing noises* *more screaming*
Some grim and serious trailer voice: We all have our own… *dramatic pause* …Demons
(Venom 2018, the movie)
Venom, yelling at Eddie from a broken bathroom mirror: Dumb little bitch, I’ve reminded you to get tater tots on our way home 15 fucking times and you still forgot? Piece of shit. Useless scum of the Earth
Eddie:
Eddie: Parasite
Venom, voice breaking: You take that back. You take that back Right Now
Tom Hardy and Riz Ahmed are reading IGN comments and Riz read the comment that said “ Venom vs. Predator vs. Alien “ and Tom’s immediate reactions was to say “GANG BANG” and then make a face of REGRET™
REVIEWS FOR VENOM JUST CAME IN AND IT’S A 28% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES!!!!!! THIS MOVIES GONNA BE SO FUCKIN FUNNY IM SO EXCITED. GOD I LOVE TERRIBLE SPIDERMAN MOVIES
“If you replaced Tom Hardy for Steve Martin in “All of Me,” and switched out Lily Tomlin for a wad of chewed-up black licorice, you’d have “Venom.”“
“When a major fight scene resembles a pair of black pants caught in a white wash, it’s fair to say you haven’t taken the audience with you.”
“It’s a train wreck of a movie, mixing and matching wildly dissonant tones, bizarre plot contrivances, and a truly unique lead performance.”
“Tom Hardy seems to be trying to be the first actor to win an Oscar and a Razzie for the same performance.”
“A film that feels like what you’d expect from a below average superhero flick circa 2004, like Ghost Rider or Fantastic Four.”
^ some of my fave critic review excerpts. i have never been more excited
some more
“The movie is so ridiculous that many viewers will at least be entertained in a dumbfounded way.”
“Think Affleck Daredevil. Think Ang Lee Hulk. Think Halle Berry Catwoman. That’s… I mean, that’s really all there is to be said, I think.”
“This is a movie that somehow slipped through a wormhole from 2004. That’s my biggest take. It’s a movie that spilled from the pre-MCU era through a crack in time and space… The humor, the story beats, everything right down to the Eminem theme song feels like it emerged Kimmy Schmidt style from a sealed off early ‘00s bunker.”
“Sorry to say that Venom is pretty much a complete failure — a tonal mess that feels 15 years old, ignoring the storytelling strides that the superhero genre has made in recent years.”
“Not sure I had the intended reactions to some scenes, but fun is fun — even when it’s totally ridiculous, right? It’s too bad they didn’t go for the R rating, though.”
“The cast seems to all know they’re in a darker superhero movie, except Tom Hardy who is basically remaking Jim Carrey’s Liar Liar.”
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