film producers: *masculinity so terribly frail, sickly and vapid that, when tasked with depicting a canonically queer romantic relationship between a human and a genderless alien slime, decided to stick tits on the slime*
comic book writers: HEY GUYS! š HEREāS EDDIE HAVING MORNING SICKNESS BECAUSE HEāS PREGNANT WITH HIS GOOEY LOVERāS ALIEN BABY!!! YāALL HAVE A GREAT FUCKIN DAY!!!!!! ā¤
please tell me eddie brock isnāt actually romantically involved with the fucking symbiote
So we know how two of the favorite superhero peril tropes are A) Threaten a Loved One and B) Villain unwittingly taking the in-civvies Hero as a hostage. Venom and Eddieās situation presents an opportunity for a special hybrid of both.
Because honestly, both Venom and Eddie have all the subtlety of a firework stand in a bonfire and X Evil Organization is bound to tail the burly man-eating monster to Eddieās home and
Goons, breaking down the door: Alright Brock, no more games
Eddie: What
Goons: Donāt play dumb here, Eddie. We know the truth and our employer is determined to have a long, violent chat with the bastard eating all of his men. So weāll make this simple for you:
Goons: Where is your 10 ft tall cannibal boyfriend?
Eddie:Ā
Venom, inside Eddie: Eddie. Eddie, tell them where he is
Eddie, going thru every stage of grief and inventing new ones: ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..um
Venom, all up in Eddieās everything, every slime cell of him laughing to tears: Tell them where your boyfriend is, EddieĀ
Venomās talk about being considered a loser on his planet, his quick fondness for Eddie, his pleasant surprise when Eddie first called themĀ āwe,ā and his sudden switching of sides all lead me to conclude that like in the comics, movie!Venom is a big romantic sap that wanted a fairytale symbiosis with a perfect host and all the other reind- Klyntar canāt even deal with his nonsense.
No wonder Riot was so keen on finding him and getting him back on Plan Letās Get Ready to Invade These Assholes. Itād been six months since heād seen Venom, and he just knows that without supervision that fucking jackass has gone and fallen in love with the first son of a bitch that didnāt die on him and talked to him halfway decently and now heās not gonna want to conquer the planet.
And sure enough, heās not even surprised when Venom turns up all traitorous and married. He gives him one, fleeting chance to get in the fucking rocket, you lunatic, and then heās just gonna fucking eat him. Heās tired of this, Venom. Absolutely done with this shit.
Riot: GODDAMMIT, VENOM, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS. LOOK AT HIM. YOUR TASTE IS GETTING WORSE.
Venom: HE GAVE ME TATER TOTS AND CALLED US āWEā AND āBUDDY.ā WE KISSED IN THE FOREST UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WE WILL HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN.
Riot: VENOM, DROP THAT THING RIGHT NOW, I WONāT TELL YOU AGAIN. Ā HE SMELLS LIKE SWEAT AND FAILURE.
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