This further proves that Bugs Bunny is more powerful than God and is not a force to be reckoned with
“One day, about 14 days after the accident, one of Blanc’s neurologists walked into the room and tried something completely new. He went to Mel’s bed and asked, “Bugs Bunny, how are you doing today?”
There was a pause while people in the room just shook their heads. Then, in a weak voice, came the response anyone would recognize.
“Myeeeeh. What’s up doc?”
The doctor then asked Tweety if he was there too.
“I tot I taw a puddy tat,” was the reply. It took seven more months in a body cast for Blanc to recover. He even voiced Barney Rubble in the first episodes of The Flintstoneswhilelying in bed with a microphone dangling from above.
The Radio Lab piece includes excerpts from an episode of This is Your Life when Blanc’s doctor tried to explain how he revived his patient.
“It seemed like Bugs Bunny was trying to save his life,” was all he could say.
Radio Lab features another neurologist’s opinion: Blanc was such a hard-working professional that his characters lived, protected from the brain injury, deep in his unconscious mind. The doctor’s question must have sounded like a director’s cue. Essentially, “Mr. Blanc, you’re on.””
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”
when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”
One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”
One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”
She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.
Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed
Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.
i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy – ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it
but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”
as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”
there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”
the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”
one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.”
we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”
I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.
Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.
Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.
I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”
i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.
I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”
Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside
I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.
In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”
I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.
My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.
my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area
I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool
a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”
Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.
have i ever told y’all the story about how a snake knew I was trans years before I did
okay so
my 7th grade social studies/8th grade science teacher (he did both classes. Somehow…) had a snake lovingly named Hisser. Hisser would occasionally be taken out to crawl and he was held by kids and when there were fire alarms Hisser was taken along, usually to his chagrin.
This was one of those days where we had in class work time and most of us were just chilling and so Mr. A got Hisser out and started passing him around.
Every girl student that he came to, he would immediately snuggle up to, wrap around their arms, and get cozy. With boy students, he would just sort of sit in the coiled lump that he’d been handed in. This was true with just about every single student, and Mr. A said that Hisser likes girls a lot better than guys and this has been thoroughly proven by Hisser’s attitude.
Then Hisser was handed to me. He was a loveable cold scaley rope as you would expect, but he didn’t coil around my arms. He didn’t get cozy. He just sat there. And Mr. Anderson said, “Huh. That’s weird. He usually likes girls.”
I passed the snake to my friend and surely enough, Hisser wrapped around her arms and got cozy.
I came out as a trans guy about 7-8 years later, and just recently realized that Hisser was right about me not being a girl all along.
I’ve also decided that whenever anyone asks me “Why I think I’m a boy,” which is my LEAST favorite question ever, I’ll just tell them that a snake told me a long time ago.
In honor of me approaching my first 6 months mark as a flight attendant, here are some highlights from my time in this job:
When a lady stopped me gently to whisper that i had “mastered the art of kindness”
When an elderly woman told me i was “put on earth to be a flight attendant”
Each and every time someone complimented my nails
When i found an $8000 diamond watch left behind under a seat, gave it to a gate agent, only to have the passenger come running back 10 minutes later. Gate agent: man u wouldve been in trouble, huh? Man whom looked like a bond villain: i wouldve been SHOT.
Every lesbian ive worked with and had the nice bonding moment of “ur gay?? Im gay!!”
That time a man tried to get huffy with me because he wasnt in 1st class and i got to say “sir u can either sit in this seat or u can sit in a seat in the terminal while u wait to take the next flight”
When i had an emergency landing because the pilots lost steering and we all thought we were gonna die but then we didn’t and everyone just applauded the landing and didnt even complain about the 2 hour delay
When my flight was delayed for 3 hours because the plane wouldnt start so the crew and i just took a really long nap in the jetway
Every 4 and 5 star hotel ive stayed at for free
When we overnighted in the middle of nowhere in alabama and went to a sports bar at midnight. The bartender locked the door so it was just him and us and his friend, and we all got super drunk on obscure alcohols and i kicked everyones ass at pool
That time i had an emergency landing because one pilot had such explosive diarrhea that the other 2 pilots had to wear oxygen masks
When we overnighted in a casino resort in new orleans and ended up drunk on margaritas and playing blackjack with a bunch of old people at 2pm
Every little kid on my flights
Every dog i got to pet on my flights
When we were flying to nyc during julliard recruitments and half the seats were taken up by cellos
Being in airports late at night and seeing people sleep in the weirdest places because they just dont care (bathroom floors, under gate agent desks, etc)
When a woman forgot her actual baby on the plane
Woman: can i board first? Gate agent: are u special needs, active military or priority? Woman: no i just want to board first. Gate agent: maam i have 70 other people who also want to board first, im not looking for a line leader.
My very first working flight, when a man pointed to my necklace and said “is that a ball gag?” And, in my shock, i said “no, im gay”
That time a ramp agent came up to me holding up his phone and said “wanna see something weird?” and i said yes, reservedly, thinking it might be gross but then he held out his phone and it was just a picture of hundreds of paradise birds that we were apparently flying to a zoo
did I ever tell you guys how I lost the most overtly religious friend I’ve ever had because she insisted I was hellbound over a pair of jeans
apparently not by your reactions SO let’s talk about emily
emily was catholic and found it really, really important that you knew that
she was discrete for the most part (sign of the cross before meals and blushing when the lord’s name was said in vain sorts of things) but she had a habit of berating people for politely declining her invitations to her church services and was sort of a pain in the ass about it at times but that’s beside the point
we were friends for about two and a half years
and then she borrowed a pair of my jeans.
now these jeans
were not just any pair of jeans
they were lucky brand jeans and the nicest jeans I owned at the time, but I was always cool with letting people borrow things when they really needed them
so this fateful day rolls around and emily is freaking out because she tore her skirt (as in straight up the back, mortifyingly torn) while we were out for coffee waiting for her other friend to pick her up because she was going on a weekend trip with this other friend’s (even more religious) family and her only other option was a pair of starchy pants that would absolutely suck to sit comfortably in for a five hour drive
so I do what any good friend would do and give her the extra pair of jeans I have in my car
which are my luckys
now I didn’t think anything of it and just assumed I’d done a great service here right
but flash forward three days
and she comes back
and doesn’t say
anything
just hands me the jeans
pivots
and walks away
so naturally I’m like??????????
so she proceeds to send me a text the next day saying that I made her look horrible to her friend’s mom because she nicely offered to wash the jeans before returning them and that’s right around the time I remember that Lucky brand jeans have a lovely little note on the fly
they look like this
and then you unzip them and
so that’s the story of how my catholic friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally tainted her social life with my subtle sexual vicious trollop jeans
That is both terrible, and absolutely fucking hilarious
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve bullshitted someone into believing?
When me and my siblings were much younger my dad owned a Volvo car with a computerized voice. It was a very deep voice that would give you warnings about the car’s status. “The boot (trunk) is not shut” being one I remember. Very creepy now I look back at it.
Me, my older brother and our dad would joke that the voice came from “a little man” inside the car. My younger sister was at an age where you could tell her anything and she would take it as gospel. She actually believed there was a tiny person with an extraordinarily deep voice living in the car. We kept it going for a long time until one day someone crashed into the vehicle and it ended up in the scrapyard. As she cried for the safety of the little man we had to tell her the truth. She was mad at us for weeks.
I convinced my kids that my car’s triangular, red, hazard button was a ‘self destruct’ button. This was initially to keep them from hitting it since it is a really prominently placed, large, red button. This worked out great until I quickly pulled the car over the other day to get a dog off the road. Threw on my hazards and jumped out of the car after the dog. I looked back and both kids are hitting the ditch.
Dealing with that kind of betrayal must have been hard for them. “Dad hit the self-destruct and ran away!!!”
Dad killed a dog, hit self-destruct on the car to remove all evidence and witnesses and ran away.
y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”
every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen
i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”
so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)
anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”
and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything
everytime I hear about children of the corn I think about the guy I met at comic con who actually lived in the town they filmed that movie at, and on the farm where they filmed in the corn.
he was a teenager at the time and him and his friends would get drunk on moonshine and rustle the corn and let the air out of the tires of the production team’s trailers and shit.
and now there’s Wikipedia pages about how the children of the corn set was haunted and they thought they angered god but it was really just drunk hillbillies
I don’t like adding to posts but I also have a funny story like this, so I was watching the movie the Blair witch which takes place in burkettsville maryland, which to me is so funny because that is were my grandfather lives and the town is literally just old people and cows with their main street consisting of a post office. Well anyway he told me that after it came out people were coming in like bus loads to the town to find the witch and my grandfather lives up in the Mountain area and people were up in his property trying to find the witch and it made him angry so he went out and hung up stick people and stacked rocks and it freaked the people out so they started thinking something was out there when really it was my 80 year old Italian grandpa who wanted people out of his woods.
We had ghost hunters come to a historic house in my town to film and if you think every high school kid in town respectfully stayed at home that night instead of going to fuck up that filming you’re dead wrong.
this is comforting, actually, sometimes paranormal things are just a bunch of bored people dicking around in the woods.
tumblr backup 