Tag: personal

had the weirdest most awesome dream that i can’t fully remember but here we go

i was in a movie. both in and watching the movie with my parents, really.  the movie had nicole kidman and finn wolfhard in it too. It was a little Harry Potter-ish because there was magic and stuff but we were kind of on the run from this dude who had a fuckbuddy relationship with nicole kidman’s character. he was kind of a like an attractive villain and the whole town kept trying to get away from him by running and hiding and changing the locks on their houses. i think at one time we were in a hotel/mall? anyways, everything came to a head when my parents, myself, finn wolfhard’s character, and a bunch of other children (including one with a unicycle) were hiding down in this basement, and my mother was trying to decide who should hold on to the key to protect us.  she thinks about my dad, then finn, but finally decides to give it to me. we wait for a tense while, but nothing happens and we get the all clear that the villain guy is gone/has stopped attacking everyone.  it seems like the end of the movie and it’s super confusing because it was never explained why the guy stopped attacking, until finally we read a movie review in the washington post, and the villain was actually finn wolfhard’s character all along.  he transfigured himself and led a double life because he never really had a childhood. and my family was so nice and welcoming and willing to protect him, that he decided to stop. and then we had flashback moments where we went through every scene and noticed how whenever the villain was there, finn was not and vice versa, and we went into some deep meta shit. the whole thing ends in a 50s themed diner, with myself and finn wolfhard riding unicycles around.

well this is the last time i’m having my mail forwarded

i get back from MI and they fucking marked my mailbox “vacant” and i haven’t received anything in over a week

i’m tempted to send myself a test letter just to see where it ends up

“I Believe…”

As I’m finishing up my first year of my Masters in Music Education, we were asked to write and present a “This I Believe” speech.  I wanted to share mine with you because I think some people may feel the same way, and because as hard as this was (there were tears), I’m actually proud of this.

  • This assignment is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever written. Even now I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.
  • I’m not sure I really know how to explain my philosophy of music education with words…
  • I don’t like talking about beliefs.  I like facts, logic, and reason.  I like things that can be explained and supported.  Beliefs imply trust, often in things that can’t be explained or are unsupported, which is something I have difficulty doing, and in some cases I am still not convinced.  It also implies Emotions, which are difficult, messy things that cloud judgement, but we have them all the same. All that being said, and against my better judgement, I do have some core beliefs.
  • So first and foremost, I believe in people.  I believe in humanity, even though the world right now seems to enjoy testing me on that.  I believe that people have value and that everyone can learn and grow towards a common goal of wellbeing in society.
  • I believe that humans are fluid.  I’m a different person now than I was 5 years ago, 10 years ago…
  • I believe everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status, race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. has the right to be treated equitably under the law and in our schools.  No one should be denied access to opportunities based on the things they cannot control.
  • I believe some things will never change.  History repeats itself.  Power structures are in place whether we acknowledge them or not, and keeping the status quo is way more comfortable than the unknown.
  • However, that doesn’t mean I believe we can’t make things better.
  • My mom had a mantra she would say to us growing up. “Better than it was”.  She liked to tell us that her mantra used to be “Practically Perfect in Every Way”, but then she had kids.  So it had to change.  I remember once she was upstairs cleaning her bathroom and we could hear her chanting to herself, “Better than it was. Better than it was”.  She usually used it as a backhanded compliment about how we cleaned our rooms, but the sentiment remained; if you do something, it will get better. Just because something isn’t going to work out entirely in your favor doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.  On the contrary, it means we need to do more.  
  • I believe change is hard. It’s frustrating. It’s beating your head against the wall. It’s not knowing how to explain to someone that they should care about other people.  It’s a million times easier to do nothing than it is to do something.
  • I believe in self-preservation.  It’s a hard line to toe, being a teacher and valuing self-preservation.  Vulnerability is at the forefront of our profession, and it’s important to model to our students.  However, self-care is also important.  I can’t be vulnerable all the time.  It hurts too much.  I need to take a step back and acknowledge that it’s okay to take a break.  Teacher burnout is a real thing, and I can’t advocate for students if I’m not in the classroom.
  • I believe in celebrating small victories.  Something I’ve come to acknowledge in the past few years (though I’m still working to accept and embrace it) is that I will never be perfect.   We are our own worst critics, and things will never be fixed overnight.  Every step we take in the right direction is a small victory, and it is enough.  My personal mantra switch from “Practically Perfect” to “Better than it was” is a work in progress.
  • I believe in education. As cliche as it sounds, I believe that children are our future.  Education allows us to challenge our ways of thinking and be critical with our perceptions and beliefs.  It gives us the tools to grow and allows us to walk before we run.
  • I believe in music. A language that connects all generations, cultures, and people, whether they understand what is being said or not.
  • And I believe in music education. Music is the vehicle I use on my road of life, and many students feel that way too.  It is where they can be themselves, where they can truly express who they are and what they feel.  Where they can make mistakes and learn and grow and be a part of a family that accepts them for them.  I believe in music education because I believe in people and the way that music brings them together towards a common goal.  I believe in music education.

just a heads up – I’m in my last week of grad school for the summer and have about a billion and one projects/papers to finish before Friday.

so if y’all see me on here, kindly tell me to get the fuck off tumblr and go back to writing my philosophy paper

see ya on the flip side!