Peter, v-logging with his phone camera: Hi I’m Spi- I mean, Peter Parker, and today we’re going to witness firsthand people’s reactions after they’re told they have big dick energy. Let’s go!
Peter: What’s up, Thor. Dude, I just wanted you to know that you radiate big dick energy today.
Thor: God of thunder in the streets, god of big dick in the sheets, I suppose.
Peter, checking to see if he’s still recording then proceeding to give a thumbs up: I stan so hard. Legends only.
Peter, bumping into Steve reading the paper: Cap! Ah, have a moment? Word on the street is that you have big dick energy. Thoughts?
Steve, choking on his coffee: I-I guess the serum did have… its effects…
Peter: Oh my god.
Peter, finding Bucky watering flowers: Hey, man. Love what you did with your hair today, may I enlighten you on the fact that you have, putting it modestly, very big dick energy?
Bucky, looking into the camera like he’s on the office: …Parker what the hell.
Peter, breaking into the sanctum: Wow doctor, looks like you got a super serious case of chronic big dick energy there.
Strange:Listen. There’s kinetic, potential, thermal, chemical, electrical, even the vague concept of dark energy. But there is no big dick or whatever you just—
Peter: You’re no fun.
Peter, after buying a plane ticket and flying to Wakanda unsupervised: As king and black panther, your highness, your reign is supreme and so is your big dick energy.
T’challa, amidst a breakdown: Noo!!! Stop!! You and Shuri, I am begging you, please, I have no idea what that means!!!!
Peter, approaching Tony relaxing on a lounge chair: Now for The Man. The one and only, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. Mr. Stark, are you aware you have big dick energy?
Tony, lowering his shades: Kid, I invented big dick energy.
taika: here’s this neat symbolism of thor being sent down the same path of his father, shown by losing his eye and having the eyepatch, but instead he chose to be a better man than his father was. also his hammer gets destroyed because he never really needed it, it was just a channel for his powers, and he’s far more powerful without it.
russo brothers: ……………………………….. okay heres a robot eye and an axe
The Avengers are a team of Witches and Wizards fighting against the Dark Lord Thanos.
Tony is the mad Wizarding inventor who is a genius with a wand. Bruce is a part-time healer, full-time shape-shifting werewolf. Clint and Natasha are Unspeakables. Thor is a Quidditch beater. And Auror Steve has one hell of a shield charm.
(Oh, and Loki is a Death Eater, which no one is surprised about)
Just needed to add an imperio’d Bucky as the Winter Sorcerer and Peggy in Steve’s compass…
Oh! And Peter going to Hogwarts having Harry Potter like adventures. And Mad Eye Fury is Head of the Department of Mysteries…
And T’Challa, who is from the completely magical kingdom of Wakanda (and has an Animagus that is a black panther). And Scott, who has been incarcerated in Azkaban.
Oh, and I missed Quidditch Warrior Thor the first time (who usually prefers being a beater) so here he is with Wanda, who is a defected ex-Death Eater
IM HAVING HEAT PALIPITATIONS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS
PSA for short trans guys: Wolverine is 5’3" and he will physically fight your dysphoria for 1 can of beer
Another fun fact: In realities where Logan was NOT captured by Weapon X and brainwashed/given adamantium coated bones he is known as James Howlett; an openly gay badass of a man who gallivants about with his lover Hercules.
Further fun fact: Logan’s clone, X-23, who is biologically identical to him because Fuck You Jackal That Is How Cloning Works, is AFAB. So. Yeah. Hella Gay Trans Dude Wolverine is a thing.
This is a lie.
Wolvie would fight your dysphoria for half a can of beer.
“Car been used as a battering ram by Captain America? We got you covered.”
“Facing roof damage caused by falling debris? We got you covered.”
“Forced to shut down business for the week due to road closures from the latest Iron Man vs. Doombots battle? We got you covered.”
“Lawn and structural damage due to the Hulk? We got you covered.”
And so on…
[VIDEO: Parody sketch from the night Tony Stark goes on SNL. He is wearing a truly terrible cardboard version of the Iron Man suit and “flies” into the scene by jumping onto a box and posing with his arms out in front of him.]
TONY: “I’ve got great news for you, gang!”
“NATASHA” [played by Kate McKinnon in a bad red wig]: “You’ve closed the space portal and prevented the universe from ending?”
TONY: “No, I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico.”
“CLINT” [played by Colin Jost in a purple T-shirt, carrying a Nerf bow and firing little foam darts toward stage left]: “But Tony, you’re already gazillionaire!”
TONY: “Yeah, because I do smart things with my money like switching to Geico.”
CARDBOARD BUILDING: *is pushed over by stagehands, falling humorously next to Tony*
TONY: “Boy, I sure hope they had renters’ insurance!”
MAYHEM: “I’m a damaged Iron Man suit, falling out of the sky, right in front of your car.” *crashes onto road, car swerves into ditch*
MAYHEM: “I’m Captain America’s shield, ricocheting off of an extra-dimensional portal.“ *crashes through apartment window*
MAYHEM’S ACTOR, ANSWERING DOOR AT HOME: “Yeah?” LOKI: “I will, with absolutely no guile or deal-making whatsoever, give you a million dollars to pretend to be Thor’s hammer if you do the accent.”
MAYHEM, NEXT DAY: “Verily, I am Mjolnir, Hammer of the Thunder God, Which may only be moved by the righteous and worthy, and I’m blocking the Starbucks drive-thru. Looks like Karen in her Suburban didn’t see me.” *Karen’s truck flips over and lands on another vehicle, coffee cups flying everywhere*
[SCENE: A GUY and his DATE are standing outside his car. Camera pans to front of car, which has been smashed by falling debris.]
GUY: Aw, aliens again, man? Come on!
DATE: Don’t worry, I have State Farm! [singing] Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!
STATE FARM REP: [appears in puff of smoke]
DATE: Oooh, with Captain America!
CAPTAIN AMERICA: [appears, looking confused. DATE immediately runs over to him, clinging to his arm. Captain America valiantly removes the debris from the car.]
GUY: Uh, let me try. Uh… come on… car insurance, be there? With Black Widow?
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