Other arguments I imagine the Fellowship having:
1) Pippin professes atheism, argues so persuasively he somehow manages to get GANDALF to second guess himself for a split second
2) “what if we put the Ring in a catapult & launched it into Mount Doom from a distance”: dismissed as a serious plan very quickly due to high margin for error but the argument simmers for several days as Gandalf refuses to concede that it would work in theory. (Pippin also started this one.)
3) Who Started It: Legolas or Gimli edition
4) Who Started It: Merry or Pippin edition
5) Who ate the last *insert food item here* I know it was one of your four FESS UP (one time it was actually Gandalf, he never fessed up)
6) Legolas is mad at Gimli but whenever anyone asks why he just says ‘the dwarf knows what he did’ (Gimli hasn’t a clue)
7) who made Sam cry??
8) Relative attractiveness of beards
i dont want ‘who made sam cry to be a common argument’
but to be fair he cries a lot
so the others might not even have done anything deliberatelySomebody made Sam cry one (1) time early on & after that every time he cries the entire company starts slinging accusations like there’s no tomorrow
Further thoughts:
1) although Pippin started the catapult argument the ppl who keep it going are Frodo and Boromir (both of whom were momentarily 100% down with it until they realised what a horrible idea it would be in practice, ie miss & the Ring is just lying about in Mordor for any orc to grab)
2) the beard argument:
pro-beards: gandalf, aragorn, boromir, gimli, pippin
anti-beards: legolas, merry, frodo, sam
it’s all fun and games till one of the hobbits calls beards ‘unsightly’ and Gimi shoots back ‘that’s a bit rich coming from someone with that much fOOT HAIR’ and after that it is fucking ON and once the dust settles certain people don’t speak to certain other people for like 3 days
Sam: *bursts into tears because idk he just does that sometimes*
Frodo: For fuck’s sake Sam just yesterday you were crying about snakes.
Sam, bawling: They don’t have any arms Mr. Frodo!
Pippin: isn’t a dragon a snake with arms
Sam: *thinks about that for a moment*
Sam: *bursts into tears all over again*
Frodo: sam please
Tag: lotr
Boromir: But…
Aragorn: He’s a dick, Boromir.
Legolas: He really is.
Aragorn: Your dad is a dick too, Legolas.Pippin: So we are in agreement, eight to one, that Gimli is the one person with a cool dad.
Gandalf: Well I for one still belive that my-
Aragon: Shut up Gandalf God doesn’t count.SHUT UP GANDALF GOD DOESN’T COUNT
part iii
The Hobbits try shoes
Sam: *walking about like a cat in booties* oh no… Oh no…
Frodo: *stands up* *immediately falls down*
Merry: you just spend all your time with your feet in… jail? In foot jail?? This is the worst
Pippin: *stomping about* haha Merry look, I’m a human! Get out of my way! I’m in a hurry! Where’s my horse? My name’s Boromir- *trips over laces and goes down hard* ow
I’ve got work to do and I’m laughing my ass off over here! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently. he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just;
What did— who–
did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring
Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…
“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”
“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”
“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”
“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”
“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”
“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”
“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”
…aaaaaand curtain.
you can laugh but that is literally what happened
This is the single best brief summary I have ever seen of the entire point of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Oh sweet Gandalf.
I’m a huge Gimli/Legolas BroTP fan, and I never noticed this.
But yes. Every step along the way, Legolas is keeping an eye on Gimli, making sure he hasn’t passed out or died or gotten lost. And he’s not going to say anything. He’s not going to make a big deal about it, because they’re not officially friends or anything, and besides, Gimli’s a proud dwarf. He wouldn’t want an Elf prince checking up on him.
But still, as discreetly as he can, Legolas is doing exactly that.
Pardon me while I cuddle the two of you little darlings out of your adorable little minds.
Baby you still there?
Right in the feels, this gif.
Smitten!Legolas in the middle of the war. I CAN’T.
honestly the funniest thing about the lord of the rings is how gandalf is literally a minor god sent to middle-earth by The Big Man Himself and yet literally nobody apart from the elves seems to recognise this or take him seriously
like yeah gandalf is pretty grumpy most of the time but how would YOU
feel if you were the fantasy equivalent of an angel and a bunch of
people who only come up to your knee were just like “oh fuck it’s that
spooky old wizard” every time you showed up for a friend’s birthday
partyalternatively, how would you feel if you were the fantasy equivalent of an angel and not long after you got to earth you discovered what weed was?
In LOTR the word ‘man’ is only used for human men so now I’m imagining like
Someone: are you a man or a woman?
Pippin: I’m a hobbit
Someone: but what’s in your trousers
Pippin: mostly snacks
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