stupidtolkieniancomics:

thespectacularspider-girl:

concentrated-sunshine:

bigmamag:

nihilistic-frustration:

I’m so sorry, but this just looks like a rip from a rap video.

I’m fucking sobbing. Aragorn looks like he’s fighting off a bee before he swoops in to tackle someone. Legolas punching the air like he’s celebrating too early. The dude who’s creeping after Gimli like he’s gonna be an easy target and Gimli charging like a battering ram to crush his kneecaps. Gandalf serenely ignoring all this.

Apparently John Rhys-Davies aka Gimli did not fuck around with that poncy “not hitting the stunt men” shite..so that poor bastard probably did get speared by an armoured dwarf…

i feel this is very important

vardasvapors:

bookhobbit:

jumpingjacktrash:

anarcho-tolkienist:

anarcho-tolkienist:

wodneswynn:

scripturient-manipulator:

maramahan:

frodoes:

what she says: i’m fine

what she means: the words “christmas tree” are used in the hobbit, and since we know that bilbo is the author of the hobbit, hobbits must have christmas which means there must be a middle earth jesus. but hobbits seem to be the only ones who have the concept of christmas which means it was probably a hobbit jesus. but frodo says in return of the king that no hobbit has ever intentionally harmed another hobbit so who crucified hobbit jesus?? were there other hobbit incarnations of religious figures?? was there hobbit moses?? did jrr tolkien even think about this at all??

Wait wait I might actually have an answer

Tolkien wrote The Hobbit like waaaay before he even dreamed up the idea for Lord of the Rings, so when he DID dream up LotR, he had a whole bunch of stuff that didn’t make sense. Like plotholes galore

Like for example in the first version Gollum was a pretty nice dude who lost the riddle contest graciously and gave Bilbo the ring as a legit present and was very helpful and it was super nice and polite and absolutely nobody tried to eat anyone because this is a story for kids and that’s very rude

But that doesn’t work with LotR, so Tolkien went back and re-released an updated version of The Hobbit with all the lore changes and stuff to fix everything that didn’t work

This is the version we know and love today

BUT rather than pretend the early version never existed, Tolkien went and worked the retcon into the lore

If you pay attention in Fellowship, there’s a bit where Gandalf is telling Frodo about the ring and he mentions how Bilbo wasn’t entirely honest about the manner in which it was found

To us modern readers, this doesn’t make a ton of sense, so mostly we just breeze by it–but actually that line is referencing the first version of The Hobbit

The pre-retcon version of the Hobbit is canonically Bilbo’s original book. The original version with Nice Gollum is canonically a lie Bilbo told to legitimize his claim to the ring and absolve him of the guilt he feels for his rather shady behavior

Then the post-retcon version is an in-universe edited edition someone went and released later to straighten out Bilbo’s lies

So it’s 100% plausible that the in-universe editor who fixed up Bilbo’s Red Book and translated it from whatever language Hobbits speak was a human who knew about Christmas Trees and tossed the detail in to make human readers feel more at home, because that’s the kind of thing that sometimes happens when you have a translator editor person dressing up a story for an audience that doesn’t know the exact cultural context in which the original story was written

Tolkien was a medieval scholar and medieval stories are rife with that sort of thing, so like… yeah

There’s a good chance it maybe did cross his mind

@old-gods-and-chill LOOK AT THIS THAT’S SO COOL

Not only all that, but Tolkien was also working within a frame narrative that he wasn’t the real author, but a translator of older manuscripts; so, in-universe, the published The Hobbit isn’t actually Bilbo’s book, but rather Tolkien’s copy of an older copy of an older copy of an older copy of Bilbo’s book. So when errors and anachronisms came up, he would leave them there instead of fixing them, and he may have even put some in intentionally; what we’re supposed to get from the “Christmas tree” bit is that the first scribe to translate the book from Westroni to English couldn’t come up with an accurate analogue for whatever hobbits do at midwinter.

Yes. Another example of tolkien doing this is him using, for instance, Old High Gothic to represent Rohirric – not because the people of Rohan actually spoke that language, but because Old High Gothic had the same relationship with English that Rohirric had with Westron (Which is the Common Language spoken in the West of Middle-Earth). There’s tons of that stuff in the book.

Like, Merry and Pippin’s real names (In Westron) are Kalimac Brandagamba and Razanur Tûk, respectively (to pick just one example of this). Tolkien changed their names in English to names which would give us English-speakers the same kind of feeling as those names would to a Westron-speaker. Lord of the Rings is so much deeper than most readers realise.

tolkein’s entire oevre is just one epic in-joke with the oxford linguistics department imo

#i thought it was old english representing rohirric but i
have read lotr one (1) time so

No that’s right! The basic point still stands and is neat but a lot of Rohirric names are translated as Old English, like Theodred and Eorl and so on. Another interesting thing is that he sometimes modernized them to modern English because, apparently, those names were intelligible to Westron speakers, either because Gondorians knew them or because the Hobbits recognized them from their dialects (they once lived near the Rohirrim and borrowed a bunch of words, including their name for themselves). Here’s a good link about it from Tolkien Gateway, it’s SUPER cool. 

Also if I correctly recall (it’s been a while so I might not) there was a draft of TTT where Tolkien intended for Theoden to greet Our Heroes in Old English. This was in The Treason of Isengard and I have a very distinct memory of reading it at about fifteen and being completely floored and baffled by the fact that he just…wrote an entire speech in Old English for Theoden to say. Like, can you even believe. I absolutely love how much flavor and care he put into the languages in LOTR.

#other than in respect of certain blind spots
#the answer to ‘did tolkien even think about this’
#is almost always ‘the man spent twenty years overthinking it’ #and it’s either a moving philosophical reflection or a dumb joke he put in to annoy cs lewis (via @simaethae)

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

Can tell Merry & Pippin apart, of course they can, what kind of question is that: Frodo, Sam

Could not initially tell Merry & Pippin apart but made an effort to learn their names & can now tell them apart: Aragorn, Boromir

Try as he might cannot consistently tell Merry & Pippin apart: Gimli

Can absolutely tell Merry & Pippin apart but pretends not to be able to: Gandalf

Cannot tell Merry & Pippin apart and not even trying: Legolas

where do merry and pippin fall on this spectrum

What do you mean you can’t tell us apart, I’m much taller??: Merry

“I’m Merry”: Pippin

thebibliosphere:

howlonghaveibeenup:

feynites:

rowantheexplorer:

ineffectualdemon:

The rest of the elves in the undying lands: the fact that any elf can fall in love with a human is sad and somewhat puzzling. We mourn Luthian and Arwen who dared to choose mortal life. That such a union is possible is both wonderous and sorrowful. We solemnly welcome the ringbearers though, the only ones who are not elves welcome in the undying lands due to the great burden they carried for the salvation of the world

Legolas showing up late on a half sunk raft holding up Gimli: HEY EVERYONE I MADE IT! MEET MY DWARF GIMLI! WE TOTALLY GOT MARRIED!

The other elves: (⊙_⊙)

Galadriel: this is hilarious. I love it! I completely and utterly give my full approval!

The other elves:   щ(゜ロ゜щ)

“Meet my dwarf,” like there are many dwarves he could have brought but this one is his.

Legolas: I don’t know why everyone’s so shocked I can’t possibly be the first elf to do this.

Other Elves: YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE FIRST ELF TO DO THIS, YES!!!

Legolas: …Oh.

*whispered conversation with Gimli*

Legolas: Well tough beans if you want your own dwarves you’ll have to sail back for them yourselves.

Galadriel: *cackling in glee*

@thebibliosphere

There is nothing I don’t love about this.

lena221bee:

princessparklefist:

gigolaslotr:

fozmeadows:

words-writ-in-starlight:

jam-art:

thranduil sleeps calmer knowing even if his son married a dwarf at least he married The Supermodel dwarf and singlehandedly crushed the hopes of single dwarves and dwarrowdams everywhere

this is my headcanon and you will never take it from me.

listen, just Listen for a second, okay.

Gimli Gloinul is from the line of Durin okay, he’s from the line of KINGS, his bloodline stands up against Legolas’ perfectly, if the elves and dwarves got their shit together for a hot second they would be like “YES, PERFECT, A DIPLOMATIC MARRIAGE TO BIND OUR HOUSES TOGETHER AND NEVER SHALL THE TWAIN THROW ONE ANOTHER TO DRAGONS…again.”  because you have a king’s son and a king’s nephew which, well, I love Dain but he’s not an EREBOR KING and GIMLI IS FROM THE FAMILY OF EREBOR KINGS.

And Gimli acts like he’s from the line of Erebor kings, too, okay, he’s a diplomat and a warrior and a nobleman, he’s the sort of person who SAYS things like ‘faithless is he who says fairwell when the road darkens’ and stares down Elrond Peredhil in his own home when his strength and faith are questioned.  And he’s the kind of person who swears his allegiance to people he barely knows because it’s Right and Good and Gimli knows it.

And Thorin Oakenshield was handsome, and his sister the lady Dis is beautiful, and Gimli’s cousins Fili and Kili were fine young dwarrows, and Gimli’s mother is a great beauty.

Basically my point here is that Gimli, proud strong gimli with his firebeard hair and bold laugh and mithril tongue and clever fingers, broke the hearts of everyone in Erebor and not a few people outside of Erebor when he married a goddamn elf.  Like.  Not even Arwen Undomiel (WHO MARRIED A GODDAMN HUMAN, it’s been a weird couple of years in Middle-Earth, everyone wonders strongly if they’ve been drinking too much).  Like he’s not even marrying a great beauty of the elves, Legolas isn’t ugly by elvish standards but also he’s nothing particularly special, and he’s not a great diplomat, and he’s BARELY a king’s son because everyone knows that Mirkwood elves are…a little odd.  Legolas is a big cheerful hunter who sings songs he doesn’t remember all of, who chatters to trees and has no sense of the right thing to say even if he’s developed enough self-preservation to know the wrong thing to say, and FOR THE LOVE OF MAHAL HE FIGHTS WITH A BOW.

“GIMLI” Gloin bellows “YOU TURNED DOWN THIRTY-TWO SUITORS FROM FINE DWARVISH LINES FOR THIS”

“Ignore him, amrâlime, he’ll get over it” Gimli says in amusement as he beckons Legolas over to his forge, where he’s carefully smithing mithril-inlaid gold marriage clasps that will grip fine elvish hair.  It’s too hot in the forge to wear shirts, if you’re working.  Every dwarf in twenty feet stops what they’re doing to watch Gimli’s biceps flex as he holds up a jewel for Legolas’ inspection.

“YOU COULD HAVE HAD A HAREM” Gloin wails from down the hall.

#a headcanon I never knew I needed until this very moment

I love the art but now I love the headcanon just as much

Not my ship, but hilarious still

i take umbrage to the use of past tense for thorin fili and kili #theyre fine everythings fine i dont understand what youre trying to imply #also now im imagining thorin half ass justifying his marriage woth bilbo as a diplomatic thing #‘but hobbits never wage wars and weve never had issues in trades with them’ ‘diplomacy man you never know’ #‘you?
gave up the throne? to raise chickens in the shire??’ ‘so they know
were peaceful! pure diplomatic wedding man no mushy feelings here’
#meanwhile in hobbiton nobody even knows who he is #hes just a weird tall hobbit with a weird accent who wears *shoes* and has tats like wtf is wrong with ur husband bilbo

(via @charlottealacitrouille)

dachosmin:

smokesprite:

viggo mortensen’s appeal as aragorn is 70% the voice, 25% the scene where the wild horse saves him from drowning, 12% hair, 8% ‘the beacons are lit!’, 3% swinging around the broken blade, 1.03% spitting soup back into the bowl on a windy day, .3% the way he speaks elvish (which mostly fits into the voice, but its elvish so its special), and .0004% when he kicks the orc head and screams

This is blatant “smoking a pipe with his hood on in Bree” and “shoving the double doors of helm’s deep open” erasure and I will not stand for it.