My AP Psych teacher from high school keeps binders and notebooks with dicks drawn on them to use as visual aids for the Freudian unit.
One time she did this life changing little “experiment” where she ever so calmly asked guys why they draw penises on things. They tried to say “it’s just funny” or “you don’t understand” and she just kept saying “you’re right, I don’t understand. Explain to me. You already know what a penis looks like, why do you have to draw it on things? Are you marking it? Are you tagging it? Girls don’t draw vaginas on things.” And the guys suddenly started questioning their motives for everything they do and one guy was like “ms, stop talking about penises, you’re making us uncomfortable.” And she shouted “HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL SEEING DICKS DRAWN ON STUFF ALL THE TIME?”
To stop it from conquering the planet they injected human brain cells from an incompetent weirdo into a seperate mouse and then put the two mice in the same cage so the silly mouse will always frustrate the terrifying genius mouse’s plans
i just remembered this story my dad told me one time, about abraham lincoln
a guy challenged abe to a duel once. lincoln very much did not want to duel this cat.
so lincoln agreed, on the condition he got to choose the weapon. maybe that was how it generally went in 19th century dueling culture, i have no idea.
the guy said “sure”
lincoln said, “ok. broadswords.”
so that poor would-be opponent shows up on the day of the would-be duel, and abe is outside, doing, like, some quick sword warmups.
now, back in lincoln’s day, he was, as any american schoolchild can tell you, the tallest fucking dude on the entire fucking planet, so please try to even imagine the majestic reach of this stovepiped giant’s condor-like wingspan.
(wingspan plus broadsword.)
abe’s enemy takes one look at this, does some quick mental calculations on his own arm length (mortal, human), turns around and goes home.
the best part is that, as i remember it, lincoln of course had no fucking idea how to swordfight. it was the 1800s. we had guns. he’d just been, like, waving this giant sword around haphazardly, whacking at tree limbs, making his arms look as big as possible because he knew this joker could see him, and he knew that guy didn’t know that lincoln didn’t know what the hell to do with a broadsword.
anyway, i don’t actually know if that story is true or not but i really really hope it is. i would love to know that the president who defeated the confederacy was also fucking hilarious.
shoutout to the unsung heroes of vine, the ones who allowed the magic to happen: the employee who arranged the fre sha voca do letters, the road construction worker who put out the road work ahead sign, the folks who hosted the party where wrow happened…. let us not forget those who put the pieces in place to give us the gifts we have today
the girl who handed Tara the empty drink
the girl who knew the whole drama with those roommates
I firmly believe that Fleur Delacour and Viktor Krum remained friends after the triwizard tournament and that one night while they were celebrating Fleur and Bills engagement a very drunk Fleur bet a not as drunk Viktor that she could catch a snitch before him and so they competed and he won and Fluer lost her end of the bet saying that she would name her first born after him
and that is why their kid is named Victoire and the only reason it isn’t spelled with a k is to annoy Viktor
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