Bach: (terrible singing) “The Bread of God Is Bread…He Will Bring Us Bread… No one but the one from Jericho… Can bring bread to bread…
Schumann: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here (points to heart), and then one day I’ll die!”
Mozart: Someone came out of a room holding like an old antique bottle with some liquid in it and they said “Hey is this whiskey or perfume?” And apparently I drank all of it and said “It’s perfume.” And it was.
Bernstein: “I don’t know if my dad was discouraging me from being gay or encouraging me to be a classical composer.”
Shostakovich: “I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting.”
Chopin: “I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars”
Beethoven: “I have had a very long day… I am very small… and I have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under”
Mahler: “I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.”
Haydn: “He said “Ah too old to be a duckling” as if to say “My duckling days are behind me. Mary, don’t you see. I am a duck now.”
Reich: (What’s New Pussycat plays 21 times in a row)
Tchaikovsky: “You know I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it!”
john mulaney’s dad looks about like how i imagined
‘you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair’
“God can’t hear you.”
“One black coffee”
I don’t know about yall, but I know too much about this man’s life for this to the the first time I’ve ever seen a picture of him
I would never say, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her So. Much. She is a dynamite five-foot muggleborn bitch and she’s the best. When my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero.
Holt: Detective Peralta, how on earth did you manage to catch that criminal?
Jake: Well thank ya for askin’, I used the Bittenbinder method. When I saw the perp approachin’, I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm-
Bucky: WELL, THANK YA FOR ASKIN. I used the Bittenbinder Method. When I saw the Captain throw his shield at me, I caught the metal frisbee using a metal arm I carry with me at all times. NOW I’VE THROWN HIM OFF HIS RHYTHM.
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