Can we just let him out on good behaivor? Cause that’s fucking outstanding.
“I’ve been getting these emails saying that, y’know it’s not my position to judge anybody. And I wanna make it quite clear that I didn’t judge him. Y’know I know God is the only judge we have. I just set the appointment up.”
I don’t even believe in God and that’s still a badass quote.
🤷
My nigga said he set the appointment up. Legendary.
His lawyer was smiling like a proud father
Y’know I know God is the only judge we have. I just set the appointment up”
Ah, time for my one Pride joke: I was talking to a conservative the other day and they asked me “How come Pride has to be in the summer? It should be in September when the kids are back in school and don’t have to see it” but I pointed out it’s right there in the bible, Pride cometh before the Fall
The joke is that I would ever talk to a fucking conservative
Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”
Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*
Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”
Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*
Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”
Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*
Customer:“Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”
me: “I love and forgive him.”
Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”
Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*
I once took my kids to a local farm and we found a lil goat with its horns stuck in a fence, just sitting there kinda mournfully on the grass. We tried to help it get free but it was stuck tight. We petted it for a while and fed it some grass (as it had lawnmowered a circle around itself as far as it could reach), and then went back to the ticket office to tell them it needed help, but before I’d said more than: “There’s a goat-” the guy cut me off with a weary wave and said, “Yeah, we know. Stuck in the fence. That’s Brenda. She can get herself out whenever she wants. She just likes the attention.”
