Tonight at the gym a man who looked like fuckin Thor asked me out and when I told him I was a lesbian he goes “oh. Chill. You know, my sister and I work out a lot together. She’ll be here tomorrow, same time.”
Like…did Thor just wingman me?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OP? WHERE’S THE REST OF THE STORY??
UPDATE HIS SISTER IS REALLY FUCKING CUTE
OMG WOMAN GIVE US DETAILS how are we supposed to live vicariously through you otherwise????
It was actually really awkward. Thor was like “hey! This is the lesbian” and I was like oh hi okay we’re doing this and Thor was like “this is my sister. She’s bisexual” and the sister was not in any world amused and then they left and I saw her bench press like twice her brother’s weight but yeah she’s gorgeous I’m gone I’m done for
Chris turning red and thinking bad thoughts, lol. Me, too, buddy.
Well that’s one hell of a face journey
My fav part is that you’ve got Evans going on this face journey of delighted gutter thoughts, and then there’s Hemsworth, just nomming away nonchalantly like he hasn’t just made his buddy plunge suddenly and unexpectedly into nsfw mental image land
I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired
jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him
So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:
John Mulaney – early 20th century
Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.
Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare
Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.
Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.
Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.
this is david lynch erasure
Who are the female immortals?
Jenny Slate – Jazz Age Darling, bffs with Alice Roosevelt
Helena Bonham Carter – Refused an invitation to dine with Queen Victoria based on her treatment of the Irish
Lucy Liu – ran away from home to join Ching Shih, 19th century Pirate Queen’s crew. Was considered too soft for fighting and was given an accordion
Bjork – 14th century Icelandic healer accused of witchcraft, also possibly a selkie
Whoopie Goldberg – present during the Conquest of Constantinople but don’t bring it up around her, it’s too fresh in her mind
Tilda Swinton – found sleeping in a peat bog. Carbon dating inconclusive
